Perfection Series
Your opinion on this?
I'd like your opinion on this piece of literature.
"Sketch a Family"
Sketch a family,
an outline of perfection.
The sitcom parents,
the series family.
Within moments the image shatters
torn to pieces by the hand of reality,
a cold hand of fury.
You find yourself alone
just like they left you.
To fend for yourself
with the screams heard from a distance
and the horrific imagery forever burned into your memory.
You don't forget.
Sketch a family,
an outline of perfection.
The sitcom parents,
the series family.>>
This is good. I like the creativity, the beat.
Within moments the image shatters
torn to pieces by the hand of reality,
a cold hand of fury.>>
Within moments? You should explain what happened within moments. The whole idea is that someone had a perception, an ideal, but then it changed. Isn't the lesson about 'how' it changed? You state reality, but you should embellish more on what type of reality. Reality is such a broad term...I would try to avoid using it. Instead, be more descriptive.
a cold hand of fury.
You find yourself alone>>
I like the cold hand of fury, it describes a feeling. I might try to describe the feeling of being alone, instead of 'stating' that now you're alone. The whole idea of poetry is to describe feelings, instead of facts.
just like they left you.
To fend for yourself>>
Again, more statements. Use the same creativity you started with and use imagery and word play to express being left to fend for yourself.
with the screams heard from a distance
and the horrific imagery forever burned into your memory.
You don't forget.>>
You end well with this...but in the middle you should express in poetics what has happened to cause the scream and breach in trust.
Nice work, and thanks for putting it out there. Being able to accept feedback is a recipe for success!
 Miracle Blade III Perfection Series 11 Piece Knife Set Plus SLICER Bonus  US $27.99
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 Miracle Blade III Perfection Series 11 Piece Cutlery Set US $24.99
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Cuisinart WMR-CA Round Classic Waffle Maker
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DescriptionBakes a Large Round Waffle - Separates into 4 triangular sections : Dual Indicator Lights : 5 Browning settings for custom browning control : Weighted Lid will not rise during baking, both sides cook evenly : Exclusive Regulating Thermostat retains constant temperature for optimal results : Stick Free Plates - Waffles remove easily : Easy to clean : AV Power Cord wraps under unit for convenient storage : Includes Instruction Book and Recipes : 3-Year Limited Warranty Features
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Miracle Blade III 91M3RBXST2 Perfection Series 11-Piece Cutlery Set
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DescriptionThe Miracle Blade Iii 11-pc. Knife Set is a multi-purpose collection of ultra durable kitchen tools. Crafted with revolutionary comfort handles and a unique 3-in-1 blade edge. These durable knives make quick work for meal preparation... Features
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Chemex Six Cup Glass Coffee Maker with Glass Handle - 6 Cup Coffee Maker
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DescriptionKnown as a pristine coffeemaker, Chemex employs all of the chemically correct methods for brewing. Its hourglass shaped flask is made entirely of glass, a chemically inert material that does not absorb odors or chemical residues... Features
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Spotlite Series: Lost Nite & Crimson Rec 1
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DescriptionAll products are BRAND NEW and factory sealed. Fast shipping and 100% Satisfaction Guaranteed. |
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BMV Quantum Subliminal CD Achieve Excellence: Peak Performance Mind Program (Ultrasonic Subliminal Series)
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DescriptionProgram your subconscious mind to achieve excellence and promote peak performance. Create amazing results using state-of-the-art subliminal and brainwave entrainment technologies. Tune your brainwaves to specific frequencies by listening to this CD! Program your subconscious mind for positive lasting results, created by a Certified Hypnotherapist and NLP Practitioner (Neuro-Linguistic Programming)... |
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Johnny Mercer's Perfection - The Composer Series
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American Wick Kerosene Heater Wick
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DescriptionSold as each. Fits: Aladdin Temprite 9(C-381), Bando BK-96, Commander 96, Cosy 260 and 500, Dyna-Glo 2601-32, Easy EZ-2200, EZ 2220, Franco Cart 100, Gemini III SYK-10000, Heat More A-7000 and A-9600, Heatmate K-10, Keray Hawaiian, Kero-Solar KMI-81 and KMI-82, Kero-Sun Omni 85, 85D, 85E, 85F and 85G, Kero-Sun Radiant 8, 10 and 22, Ketac KHF-100, Loudi Yukon (F960), Master, Multiplex HT2, 4D-789, Northstar KSA-851, Perfection PSR-10, Porta-Heat SYK-10000, Prosperity II HT-02 and CKH-4900, Radiant King RK-100S, Robeson 2601-32 and 2602-32, Samaritan S-13000, SR-8200 and SR-9600, Sharp HSR-36G and HSR-37G, Shetland KHR-96, Supra 200 (S-131), Supra Fan (S-231), Toyukuni 26EU, Toyostove/Toyotomi RSA-10, 21, 23, 24, 24A, 50, 85, KSA-85D, 851D, TSR-22, RSA-8, RSA-10G and RAD8, Van Wyck 2601-32 and 26020-32 (Rad9600) Whitegate K192 and KET-100... Features
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Tremors Attack Pack (Tremors/ Tremors 2 - Aftershocks/ Tremors 3 - Back to Perfection/ Tremors 4 - The Legend Begins)
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DescriptionTwo-disc set includes "Tremors," "Tremors 2: Aftershocks," "Tremors 3: Back to Perfection," and "Tremors 4: The Legend Begins." |
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